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Handbags at Dawn, "Gonzo"
(2005)

I can't bear to be so talented and so undiscovered
Hey! Everybody look at me!
We'll pander to our critics because we are in it for the money
Hey Shane, nice band--pity about the current music scene
Yes I'm hung like an anaconda, so by me god is great
I bet he don't know the first goddamn thing about how to roller-skate
I pluck my eyebrows in his name, cook up with his finest candles
But I fail to see how a principled man could ever wear those fucking sandals

I got this new mint shampoo I smell like Vienetta
My, that's some tasty chicken, tickle me with a feather
And if I'm lucky he'll treat me like a piece of meat
Sister, I'm as loose as Shane McGowan's two front teeth

Oh lordy, my, oh my
You is such a handsome guy
I said, "My mama was Miss Monaghan 1969
I lit a fire this morning, I should check on it sometime"

I never knew that you wanted me
I thought you didn't care
I made my way to Heaven
How could I know that you'd be there?
I didn't know that you'd be there

How much weight has that girl put on?
Sophie's like I know
It's like, oh my God!
That girl is like hello!
Tell me that milk is semi-skimmed?
Sophie's like no!
Oh my God!
That girl is like hello!

I never knew that you wanted me
I thought you didn't care
I made my way to Heaven
How could I know that you'd be there?
I didn't know that you'd be there


I've held off on adding this one for years because it doesn't look that gay if you just read it. If you hear it, holy shit, it totally is.