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Los Campesinos!, "All Your Kayfabe Friends"
(2008)

Word is you slept in a weird position
And your back and your shoulders are aching
I say my stomach is chewing its way out from the inside
'Cause I've gone three days now without eating

I died
On a cross
Trainer
Getting in shape for you
I fell
At the first
Hurdle
You tell me I always do
You asked if I'd be anyone from history, fact or fiction, dead or alive:
I said "I'd be Tony Cascarino, circa 1995"

We're feeling so much more content knowing where our allegiances lie
Since our kayfabe friends have upped and left, you and I

The time we spent around each others' waist
The time spent expressing my distaste
With my eyes on a lightbulb
I choose to keep your birthday present for myself
Blow candles, your ill health
I'm being paid 35 pounds an hour
As a specialist foot fetish model
Flatter my arches, I pirouette for them
I pick the angles, hide my ingrown toenail

You think you're the needle
That drains the blood donation
You're just a repetition on an old, worn-out pin cushion

We're feeling so much more content
Knowing where our allegiances lie
Since our kayfabe friends have upped and left, you and I

As the bus pulls away, I stare at the last field
Before we hit the city, that emotional minefield
I seduced your ex-boyfriend, to help you get over him
You found him more attractive, it helped you get over me

We're feeling so much more content
Knowing where our allegiances lie
Since our kayfabe friends have upped and left, you and I

In the shower, I chew the soap bar
From the plastic, the morning after
I love the look of empathy in your eyes
I love the look of lust between your thighs


Thanks, Charleh!

In professional wrestling, "kayfabe" refers to all the stuff that isn't real, but is presented as nonfiction--like a feud or partnership between two performers who barely know each other in real life. And that, lieblings, is the only sentence on Queerics to ever begin with "in professional wrestling..."