Q U E E R I C S

MC Lars, "Everyone's A Little Bit Gay"
(2008)

Dude, that band's so gay!
Really? You mean they're jovial, happy and good-spirited?
Wait, what? No, I mean their music sucks.
Oh, I thought you were trying to speak English just then. My bad.

To the dudes across the world
I've got something to say
If you see beauty in the human from
That means you're kinda gay
Alfred Kinsey said it best
The human scale is sliding
Simply gay or straight
There's no clear dividing
And subjects like these
Strike a serious chord
They tell you that's it's wrong to be bi-curious George

It's the feeling that you get watching sports with your buddies
In any room of Niners fans, half of them have chubbies
Football, that's gay
(???) had it right
Guys shower in the locker room and put on pads and tights
They dance around with balls and slap each others' butts
If you told me that was straight then I'd tell you that you're nuts
Construction men are gay, erecting buldings all day long
Check the Washington Monument, it looks like a giant schlong
Redneck guys are in the closet, but don't feel bad
There's still room for rainbow bars on Confederate flags

Everyone's a little bit gay
We try to hide it, try to put it away
Confusing feelings, don't mean they're wrong
So just sit back and listen to my song

Everyone's a little bit gay
Don't get defensive, just know it's okay
Homophobic guys, hear what I say:
You loved the Village People back in the day

Renaissance man, you can't convince me
That you liked chicks, yo, right da Vinci?
He liked pepperoni on and off the plate
Just like Aristotle and Alexander the Great
Or ask Walt Whitman and Henry Thoreau
Male bonding at Walden many years ago
And friendship loves confusing, surely
Ask Ren and Stimpy or Bert and Ernie
Rappers on the D.L. have a secret plan
Rob Halford came out, Adam Goren understands
Carson Daly's manorexic, so gay in his demeanor
Just like Pete Wentz taking pictures of his weiner
The AFI guy, nobody really knows
Check out exhibit A: glitterboy clothes?
But MC Lars isn't gay, I get with chicks every night
So the world will know I'm straight, I mean, that makes sense, right?
Yeah.
Right?
It does.

Everyone's a little bit gay
We try to hide it, try to put it away
Confusing feelings, don't mean they're wrong
So just sit back and listen to my song

Everyone's a little bit gay
You can't deny it, despite what you say
Before you go and judge someone's different way
Voting Republican won't make you straight

Let me break it down, it's not that scary
You come home for Christmas with a guy named Harry
You offend your mom and your uncle Larry
You've got to do your thing, just ask Chuck Berry
They banned gay marriage, they say it's weird
But tradition comes from habit
And tradition comes from fear
And gay people rock, just check the facts
So if you're hating on my homos
Then you're bound to get a smack

Everyone's a little bit gay
We try to hide it, try to put it away
Confusing feelings, don't mean they're wrong
So just sit back and listen to my song

Everyone's a little bit gay
Don't get stressed, just know it's okay
Homophobic rappers, hear what I say:
You moonwalked in Crenshaw back in the day

Thanks, Alyssa! She also transcribed for the lyrics for us. I helped where I could, but we've still got a few gaps! If you know what goes in them, let me know.