4. Belle & Sebastian, "Jonathan David" (2001)
You have no idea how many points this one wins for alluding to Everyone's Favorite Gay Biblical Couple. There are people all over the internet assuming this one's about two men competing for the same woman, but oh, how wrong they are! I love the harmonizing in the chorus and, of course, the literate faggotry.
You should start using "hey baby, there's still room in my wooden horse for two!" in bars.
Why you really need to hear it: Please, like you haven't had a crush on an unattainable straight kid.
3. Suede, "The Drowners" (1992)
Alternative music tends to have a conscience, and bands try to write songs with a deeper meaning than "it is fun to dance and have sex!" You frequently have to turn to dance tracks if you want a simple song about having a good time--and then there's "The Drowners." It's hard to resist its thundering drums, coy vocals and porno guitar. No, really. It's going "bow chicka bow bow!"
Why you really need to hear it: Songs like "Nancy Boy," "Michael," and "Asthmatic" are all borrowing, intentionally or otherwise, from its carefree rock'n'roll homoeroticism. Come on, it's a classic.
2. Depeche Mode, "Never Let Me Down Again" (1987)
I unintentionally put this song on almost every mix CD I make. It's just that good! It sounds very sinister, but it's hard to pinpoint why; drugs? Ill-advised sexing? Some actually not-sinister consensual S&M? HOW DID HE LET HIM DOWN THE FIRST TIME? I HAVE TO KNOW. AAHHH
Why you really need to hear it: Chances are, everyone's preconceived notion of Gay Music involves synthesizers. In this case, they might as well be totally fucking awesome ones.
1. The Velvet Underground, "Lady Godiva's Operation" (1967)
Yeah, I went there. I am throwing down, my friends. I wear the banana with pride. I am that guy. I love the Velvet Underground and I WILL NOT BE MADE TO FEEL ASHAMED. But for real, say what you will about them--it can't be denied that Lou Reed and John Cale were a considerable influence on David Bowie and Brian Eno, and without them, what the hell would we be listening to? You are not on Queerics because you're a Bowie-hater, kid.
I really didn't go into this project thinking "Har har I'm gonna make a Velvets song number one," though; it's just that when I looked at it, and considered its lyrics, subject, music, and production... it won. Specifically: